TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN, PART I (PG-13)
BY JAKE MATHISON
November 26th, 2011
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Billy Burke, Anna Kendrick and Michael Sheen
Directed by: Bill Condon
Written by: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay) and Stephenie Meyer (novel)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part I is a muddled mess befitting an undead audience with infinite patience and forgiveness for a series that has gotten progressively worse since its inception, and now finds itself flatlined.
There is very little redeeming value to be found here. In fact, the first half of the film is so dreadfully boring it practically begs you to stake it (yes, I know I'm mixing my vampirical mythologies) and put it out of its misery. Over-saturated to the point of parody, it forces its victims to sit through an endless barrage of cheesy dialogue, shirtlessness and grossly ineffective musical montages.
The ever grody Kristen Stewart (aka the little boy from Panic Room) is her gaunt, depressing and miserly self here, while the regressing Taylor Lautner (Abduction) takes his huff and puff routine to unheard of levels of emo-camp craptasticness. Even the usually tolerable Robert Pattinson (Water for Elephants) seems to be sleepwalking through this dud. You know the acting is bad when your best performance is a two minute wedding cameo by Anna Kendrick (50/50), who we can only imagine is now having some serious regrets about ever signing that five picture deal in the first place.
Whether it's due to bowing to studio pressure or just general ineptness, director Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) is all over the map with this one, resulting in an exploitative first chapter to a double-feature that should never have been split in half. Yes, the teeny-boppers will get to scream at midnight, twice, but the world will be much worse for wear because of it. But on the bright side, if Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part II is even nearly as bad as this cheap laugh-fest, it may just drive the final nail in the coffin of the recent bloodsucker resurgence.
1.5/5 stars
Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part I is rated PG-13 for disturbing images, violence, sexuality/partial nudity and some thematic elements
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